my little cousin got bit by a house spider and she was crying so i went to get some stuff to soothe and numb it but before i could even walk out the door i heard her quietly whisper ‘i can’t handle the responsibility of being spiderman’

(via joshfranvibeyvibes)


with great power comes a great electricity bill

(via blackbird-and-the-heropon)


no Santa, they’re not gifts, they’re jifts.

(via blackbird-and-the-heropon)


am i the only one who rehearses things i might say in advance? and I don’t mean like my theoretical oscars acceptance speech i mean like what i’ll say to the pizza guy when I answer the door in my pjs

(via breakingdads)



what if doorbells went dong ding instead of ding dong

don’t say something like that

(via blackbird-and-the-heropon)